The middle and end of this video is worth watching-
15 years ago
Jul 21, 2009
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I am passionate about this topic for several reasons. Parenting is so challenging that when I can see the results of getting something right, which you rarely see during the unfolding of the event, I want to tell every other parent I meet about the experience.
Since I had two parents who were on opposite poles of parenting styles, I understand that neither model is viable.
Strictness without love and communication is as faulty as love and communication without structure and discipline.
Lastly, I enjoy sharing and teaching other human beings useful information. And nothing is more useful and critical than helping parents raise polite, independent kids.
The old models of parenting are as worthless as Civil War Confederacy scrip at Wal-Mart. In the 1950's we had a male dominated system of father knows best while the little woman cleaned and cooked. In the post 1960's world children became actual human beings whose feelings and self expression were catered to as if they were the second coming of Jesus, Moses, or Krishna.
No one should be surprised that as a society we are wrestling with spoiled, lazy, overindulged narcissistic children whose idea of compassion is lending their I-Phone to a friend. Meanwhile the friend is texting mom that he or she forgot something and the friend expects their working parents to drop everything and deliver it to the mall where they are hanging out ASAP.
We are undergoing a sea change in our concept of what parenting should look like: just don't let the tide drown you.
Posted by Kemuel Ronis
Hanging out together
Good food and conversation-It works!
-----Common Sense Parenting----------- Walking the middle road between strict tyranny and uber permissiveness in raising teenagers.
What is the Middle Way?
The middle way is a literal and figurative label for a method of parenting.
The middle years represents the time of adolescence, between child and adult: teenagers.
The middle way is also an attempt to swing the pendulum back to a sane path of raising children that is neither too controling and domineering nor too passive and unstructured.
The middle way is a metaphor for thinking about raising teenagers with whatever spiritual beliefs you deem to be important. Too often as a society we either forget about spirituality in our daily lives or over-represent it as a narrow and dogmatic approach.
The middle years represents the time of adolescence, between child and adult: teenagers.
The middle way is also an attempt to swing the pendulum back to a sane path of raising children that is neither too controling and domineering nor too passive and unstructured.
The middle way is a metaphor for thinking about raising teenagers with whatever spiritual beliefs you deem to be important. Too often as a society we either forget about spirituality in our daily lives or over-represent it as a narrow and dogmatic approach.
There is a middle ground of striving to be a better person and parent while living ethical/religious values without mandating that others believe the same as you.
Since I had two parents who were on opposite poles of parenting styles, I understand that neither model is viable.
Strictness without love and communication is as faulty as love and communication without structure and discipline.
Lastly, I enjoy sharing and teaching other human beings useful information. And nothing is more useful and critical than helping parents raise polite, independent kids.
Straightforward Advice: What teenagers should do.
Be responsible for taking care of their school-work
You have already been through school and it is not your job to keep up with, remember, or do anything connected with your child's school-work. Your job is to clearly set whatever standards you require from your son or daoughter and impose consequences if they are not met. I am always surprised when parents do not know what to do when it comes to disciplining their children. You control every aspect of your teenagers life, beginning with food, shelter, transportation, TV, internet, cell phone, video, etc.
No Whining-
The way to stop this is by not allowing it to occur in the first place. Kids whine and complain because it works, at least some of the time, for them. If you say no, then stick to your decision. If your child continues to whine/complain then impose a consequence (every time) for aggravating you after you have given them an answer. A whiny teenager drains you of energy. Whining is also a character defect that creates a poor reputation in the adult world. There is an obvious difference between whining and having a respectful and mature discussion over a disagreement or decision.
Do Not Tolerate Lying or Disrespect-
Here again, if your son or daughter is doing this there should be a harsh punishment because it ultimately is harmful to your child's reputation and place in the world. When you ask your child a question and they lie to you, that should never happen a second time.
Insist On Good Manners-
Manners never go out of style. Polite young people are always appreciated and commented on by adults. It is the easiest way for an adolescent to create a positive impression and reputation. Part of good manners is to acknowledge the things that people do for you. This means your son or daughter should have a habit of thanking others: everything from the dinner that you provide them to taking them places.
You have already been through school and it is not your job to keep up with, remember, or do anything connected with your child's school-work. Your job is to clearly set whatever standards you require from your son or daoughter and impose consequences if they are not met. I am always surprised when parents do not know what to do when it comes to disciplining their children. You control every aspect of your teenagers life, beginning with food, shelter, transportation, TV, internet, cell phone, video, etc.
No Whining-
The way to stop this is by not allowing it to occur in the first place. Kids whine and complain because it works, at least some of the time, for them. If you say no, then stick to your decision. If your child continues to whine/complain then impose a consequence (every time) for aggravating you after you have given them an answer. A whiny teenager drains you of energy. Whining is also a character defect that creates a poor reputation in the adult world. There is an obvious difference between whining and having a respectful and mature discussion over a disagreement or decision.
Do Not Tolerate Lying or Disrespect-
Here again, if your son or daughter is doing this there should be a harsh punishment because it ultimately is harmful to your child's reputation and place in the world. When you ask your child a question and they lie to you, that should never happen a second time.
Insist On Good Manners-
Manners never go out of style. Polite young people are always appreciated and commented on by adults. It is the easiest way for an adolescent to create a positive impression and reputation. Part of good manners is to acknowledge the things that people do for you. This means your son or daughter should have a habit of thanking others: everything from the dinner that you provide them to taking them places.
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Sea Change
The old models of parenting are as worthless as Civil War Confederacy scrip at Wal-Mart. In the 1950's we had a male dominated system of father knows best while the little woman cleaned and cooked. In the post 1960's world children became actual human beings whose feelings and self expression were catered to as if they were the second coming of Jesus, Moses, or Krishna.
No one should be surprised that as a society we are wrestling with spoiled, lazy, overindulged narcissistic children whose idea of compassion is lending their I-Phone to a friend. Meanwhile the friend is texting mom that he or she forgot something and the friend expects their working parents to drop everything and deliver it to the mall where they are hanging out ASAP.
We are undergoing a sea change in our concept of what parenting should look like: just don't let the tide drown you.
Posted by Kemuel Ronis
Create Family Bonds
Hanging out together
About Me
- Kemuel Ronis
- I have over 30 years of teaching experience in a variety of settings. This background includes public education from grades 5-12, owning and operating a martial art school for 15 years, behavioral education in a hospital environment, and supervising and training adults in behavioral techniques. I have three grown children ages 28-32 who are all living independently with successful careers.
Big Ben and me
Teen Service
Are you looking for a way to involve your child in a meaningful service project, develop leadership skills, and highlight their accomplishments in service for their college application?
Please visit the Americaserves website for complete information and a step by step guide
that was honored by the U.S. Department Of Education in 2008 as a service learning resource.
Please visit the Americaserves website for complete information and a step by step guide
that was honored by the U.S. Department Of Education in 2008 as a service learning resource.
America Serves
EmpoweringParents.com
Family Dinner
Good food and conversation-It works!
My Blog List
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Parenting Book Recommendations:
The shelter of Each Other-Rebuilding Our Families by Mary Pipher
The Parent's Guide by Don Dinkmeyer and Gary D. McKay
Laying Down The Law: The 25 Laws Of Parenting to Keep Your Kids on track, Out Of Trouble, and (Pretty Much) Under Control By Ruth Peters
The Parent's Guide by Don Dinkmeyer and Gary D. McKay
Laying Down The Law: The 25 Laws Of Parenting to Keep Your Kids on track, Out Of Trouble, and (Pretty Much) Under Control By Ruth Peters
What is the biggest problem that you have with your teenager?
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A Parent's Prayer
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they're stuffing down the sink,
Or who they're with, or where they're at
And what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!
Author Unknown
family picture
Hey Kemuel, Great post! I've always admired Cosby's way of setting people straight while making them laugh. Any chance you know where to get the rest of this video? He seemed to just be warming up.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kristen. Cosby is a really good spokesman for good messages on parenting, despite some of the flak that he's gotten for it. You could probably fill your blog with the gurus of childrearing. (Alfie Kohn speaks about many of your points.) But then, that wouldn't be you.
ReplyDeleteCosby seemed to do a good job handling things firmly but with a sense of humor. You get a sense he didn't let his own kids get away with anything yet was very loving toward them.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the feedback everyone! There are a whole series of Cosby clips- just go to U-Tube and type in Cosby on parenting.
ReplyDeleteI just don't get parents who feel like you can't be loving and supportive towards your kids and also give them a consistent structure. The way I built a mutual respect with my own kids was by continually striving to do both of these things.
I think this is the key, no matter what your style of parenting: Keep lines of communication open. Not that I know anything about parenting-- I have no kids myself.
ReplyDeleteBut I know my Republican brother, who I thought would be a strict father, ended up being a very soft and forgiving dad-- and I think his kid turned out terrifically because of it.
Kemuel - thanks for the post. 'Junior Chamber of Commerce' I love it!
ReplyDeleteI noticed Cosby joking about how he would be 'airborne' if he said the kinds of things he hears kids say now. My dad also jokes about that kind of parenting getting results; if you knew you were going to get punched in the face, you wouldn't talk back. But he wasn't one to punch us in the face, so I guess he didn't truly believe that this was effective parenting.