There is a terrific book by Mary Pipher called, The Shelter of Each Other-Rebuilding Our Families.
I highly recommend it for parents, especially when children are past the infant/childhood stage of life and entering the teenage years.
The writing itself is evocative and moving. The advice is indespensible. The book starts with case studies of various families so the reader gets a first hand glimpse of positive and negative parenting practices. It is also encouraging to see that one can make many mistakes as a parent and still have the kids turn out just fine.
The second section deals with fundamental aspects of being a parent and raising ones children with integrity. The chapter titles of this part are:
Character
Will
Commitment
Part three is the practical section appropriately titled: Solutions: What Will Survive Of Us Is Love
The author's compassion and love for family and humanity easily comes through the pages. Her direct vision and clear counsel however, are what makes this book vital for any parent struggling with the job. Quite frankly I don't know anyone who finds raising kids an easy job.
Here is a short look at some of Mary Pipher's words:
...often believe that somehow praising their children will improve their self-esteem. But aimless flattery is useless. It's worse than useless; it teaches children that they can slide by. When expectations are too low, children become slackers. One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is to teach him/her to work."
"It is important for people to receive credit for good work, and criticism can indeed be damaging. But true self esteem comes from the belief that one is making the world a better place....self esteem can not be given to one person by another..."
"...more worried about their children's feelings than their behavior and they focus more on their self esteem than their character."
"It's understandable that parents feel this way, but it's misguided."
This is a great resource and an illuminating read for any parent!
amazon link to book:
http://www.amazon.com/Shelter-Each-Other-Mary-Pipher/dp/1594483728/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1249761809&sr=1-2
5 years ago
I haven't read this book, but I gobbled up "Reviving Ophelia," an excellent book on what happens to girls. The misguided attitude to self-esteem is also covered well by Alphie Kohn in "Punished by Rewards." Thanks for the Pipher recommendation.
ReplyDeleteThanks Trina!
ReplyDeleteSelf esteem is the positive feeling you get about yourself when you accomplish something. I encounter many teenagers who have been led to believe that breathing and tying their shoes are major milestones-no kidding.
One book I really like is "Teaching with Love and Logic." There is also a "Parenting with Love and Logic" book, I believe, along the same lines.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you said the book was a must for parents with kids going into the teen years. I was wondering what your thoughts were about little kids. Should they be praised often to build their self-esteem?
ReplyDelete"...more worried about their children's feelings than their behavior and they focus more on their self esteem than their character." I've got to agree with this quote.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a very helpful book. I like the imagery of the title!
ReplyDeleteJenn,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the book recommendation.
Memoirs,
That's the whole point- praise does not build self esteem, accomplishing things does. Everyone should be acknowledged and praised for the work they do, whether it is chores at home, getting good grades, etc.
Proofreader and Nicole,
Thank you for the feedback!